Home for the Clumsy

I've had one of those weeks that makes me wonder if my equilibrium is off or just a bit loopy. That old southern phrase that "God protects fools and babies, of which I am both" is a little more truthful than I'd like it to be. So here are my glory stories:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/tedesco57/2659060417/

Last week, I decided that the Costwold England look wasn't really working for me.
Between the threat of crumbling mortar and the ivy growing into the soffits, I figured that the process that I set in motion a year ago was potentially devastating to my house. The yard, side yard, driveway and backyard were so overgrown it appeared as if the house had been abandoned. So I decided to pry the ivy vines from the base of my homes' exterior. Once I had grabbed hold of three solid ivy roots, I started to back up and pull the ropes at the same time. Building up some torque as the stubborn vines started ripping from the mortar, I had gotten about 6 feet back and pulled about 10 feet high when the ivy ropes snapped and I went flying!
No serious damage to my back but my ego was a little bruised.
I'll wait for the rest to die before I climb up on a ladder (assisted of course) and start to pry the rest of this creature from the facade of my house. So much for the Cotswolds!

BEFORE (back in June)

AFTER

Now, I've gotta tell you about another recent story: 3 nights ago I was snuggled on the sofa and I woke up and realized I had missed the end of the movie I was watching! So I turned the thing off and decided to just stay on the sofa rather than going to bed, it was pitch black without the light from the tv and I worried that I would trip over something. 

Moments later, while still conscious, I heard a loud prying sound at the door to the mud room, just outside of the kitchen door. It sounded like someone was trying to break in the house! I looked outside and one of my motion sensor lights had just turned on! 

Frightened beyond belief, I reached for my cell phone across the room and dialed 911. The police were there in less than 2 minutes, yet my dog didn't wake up until I opened the door for the two officers and accidently set off the alarm! They searched every inch of the house, while two additional officers searched my yard and back door. They saw nothing, no footprints nothing broken, just cobwebs in the mud room that were un-disturbed. They held back grins as they tried to calm my fears...me in a night gown, with sofa hair, holding my little dog, my heavily cluttered den looking like a senile old lady who might have a cat collection.

They said goodnight and walked to the front yard, where they had a nice conversation with 4 other officers as if it were the water cooler at work (at 3 AM)! 

Although, I am certain that someone was tugging at that door, I'm also pretty sure I heard some laughter from those officers too!

I'm grateful for their quick response and my safety, but I've gotta say...God really does protect fools and babies, and I'm no baby!

goodbye you beautifully deceiving vine that made my house feel like the English cottage in "The Holiday" and kicked my butt at the same time!

I will replace this photo once the rest of the vine has fully died and I pry it off the house!